It was a big day for us. A happy day for us. It was the
event that could not be missed. One of those where everybody remembers where he
or she was and what they were doing when it happened. For my friends and I it
was a bucket list item. Right up with taking our wives to Egypt and travelling
together to watch the F1 race in Abu Dhabi.
If you were a CIA agent engaged in regime destabilization in
Uganda. You would remember how the first WhatsApp images came through just
after you had completed deep infiltration of insurgent camps in the Rwenzururu uprisings despite their massive rear
guard action.
If you were running a club in London, you would remember how
you posted kinky pictures on the Mboga Chat Forum when your phone indicated the
arrival of the first Facebook post with the images from the event.
If you had unsubscribed and moved to Australia you would
remember how you loaded up on starters and left no room for the main.
But I was there. I was there when the Best Man helped him
carry that massive head of his as they thrust their groins at the father in law
while doing the Mboga shuffle. I was there to see the rest of the stock in that
home.
Earlier with excitement, I bought my tickets at the Trinity
bus garage for the bus to this event. I was excited not only about the event,
but about the 4-hour journey I was going to enjoy in the company of Nyarus on
Trinity bus. Then I got a call from Mr. Particular asking me to join him as his
driver took us to the event. Now not only was I going to tick an item off my
bucket list but I would also arrive to do so in such opulence.
The first sign of trouble was for Mr. Particular to arrive,
not with a car driver, but with a train driver and his wife. Granted trains are
glamorous in a country like ours, but banange, guy avugga train. Anyway, I
chose to focus on the event.
40kms into the journey and the car overheated and that meant
we could not drive faster than 60kph. God had decided that we would travel to
this event at a pace as slow as that at which the main character drives his
car. But, in true Mboga fashion, we arrived just in time to join the line for
food.
So we had come and we had seen, we had drunk were drunk and
we had got the mini champagne bottles. It was time to hit the road back to our
mundane non-exciting lives. We decided to take a shortcut despite shrill
warnings from our female companion. So the silver shadow got stuck in the mud.
It took all of the skills of the train driver to get us out of that one.
The train driver had guzzled some wine at the party and,
with the mini victory over the swamp, decided he was now in an F1 race. And
faster than you can say ‘Lewis Hamilton’, there was a loud bang in the engine followed
by a large mushroom cloud of steam. Stuck in the dark in the middle of nowhere.
We had to push the silver shadow up the hill so we could turn it around easily.
By the time we were through, none of the people in that car were drunk anymore.
Suddenly the battery died too, completing the darkness completely. Most felt it
was not safe to sit in the car in the dark on the road lest a speeding truck
collected you. Out there in the tall grass the only thing left to do to keep
spirits up was exchanging of war stories that could otherwise be described as
gossiping. Suddenly, after about 45 minutes of complete darkness, all the
lights in the car and the radio came on like a scene from ‘The Haunting’. The
spookiness led our female companion to conclude that all sorts of imaginary
creatures were crawling up her skirt and the tall grass was not safe anymore. All
the men soon joined her in the car as fear gave way to fatigue.
Finally rescued and checked in to the best hotel in Mbarara,
we ordered room service and prepared to turn in for the night. With the shower
not working in her room, our female companion waited until the food had arrived
before she asked to use the dark guy’s shower. Her husband pretended to be
waiting in line, but his real intentions were exposed when a condom dropped out
of his pocket. For the dark guy to notice this during his meal should be an
indication of the quality of food on offer.
Yes, we were there when he finally got the monkey off his
back. May the couple have a long and wonderful marriage.
